Bleeding Blue....

Why so blue, I have no clue,
Can I do better, amidst all the clutter
Find my way out, from all the litter
Emerge from the gutter, to toast my butter?

These lines make no sense,
Nonsense is all I have

Wait, Wait Mister Postman....

Where are my postmen of yore? Cycling away and whistling an out-of-key tune and tinkling bells as he goes by... Where my days of swinging on the gate waiting for a letter from my daddy to see what he has written... Any special note for me???

Where are those days where I would eagerly tear open a card from a friend to see it, to feel it... When postcards meant a lot and when words written in ink opened new worlds... Want those days back when i could see a postman and feel happy. I miss the anticipation of waiting for the greetings travelling across cities, tumbling down bags just for me... If they could talk, they would have a story for me too...

Like lost cities, these postmen are likely to get lost... I want it all back...

Loss of innocence

Teens these days do more than what I could have ever imagined doing when I was their age.. But, do i want to do it.. or do I even want to do it now?? I don't even think so...

Is that how life is supposed to be? Is it too materialistic to my liking... Is peer pressure too dominating? Is the Facebook culture kewl?? I don't even know. But am I just being a typical older person with stereotypical views.. How much is permissible? How much is ok?

Is it the order of the day to snort coke and neck someone in the alley and move to third base as soon as you can.. Are friends with benefits the best thing of all.. will this lead to complicated relationships??

Do I even want to bring a child into this crazy coke world? Can I even do anything shape the child up?? I don't even think so anymore... 

Shoes and Girls...

A friend said to me today.. you cannot be alone, you are definitely not alone, you have 12 pairs of shoes for company... :D What do you say to this one...:) wish they were people?

The world in the palm...

I weep for my lost palm.. I want it back.. the days when everything was soft to touch and feathery to feel. Nothing felt rough and thorny. With the skin on my hand peeling off as if it hated to stay on me. It's like they want new homes and none of their options include me. Oh! so sad... It started with the tip of my fingers and now runs till the end of my palm.. Not a pretty sight, but a  learning one. 

The broken skin and patches remind me of the world.. of the world on my palm. I can see China and Russia in one corner, a tiny India with Sri Lanka as its foot stool... and a lot of archipelagos. If I knew my geography better I'd be able to name all of them.. But from the little I know I could identify Andaman and Nicobar obviously... 

Then the exotic Barbados, Caribbean islands and Hawaii were also there.. How could my leathery hand not have these places... It has Bahamas, Tanzania and a few of the French colonies too.. 

As much as I could call the world an oyster in my palm, I long for my soft fingers, to feel and touch the world as it is and as it were... I want it back..

My rocks of Gibraltar...

Maybe it's time to be thankful for all the things in my life... and happy for who I am...
I'm glad I've met a number of people... but I'm glad for

Nabamita: For holding my hand despite me being an asshole
Sudeshna: Hearing me out, even when her head says Oh! Shut up woman!
Varsha: You are a voice of reason, when Sanith is not around. You have different views... and I'm glad.

You guys are my circle of trust, for as long as it lasts.. you guys don't even have an option of a divorce.. :D Though we are all in different cities.. I'm glad I can call you guys anytime (though sometimes the Kolkata nuts don't answer) to whine, to plead, to joke and to gossip.

I don't think I could have or would have gotten through one of my roughest period without you guys.. Stood like a rock, but waiting to slip away like eels... :D 

Women (the ones above), the rest I'll say when you throw me a fun party.. :D

Sherry and Kuttu for being as good as siblings can only be.. To know that there is no choice and I can't be exchanged.. So bearing with my eccentricities though I hated sharing clothes with you guys when I was younger. :D. Muthe...as much as we wanted a brother (you should hear that story), I'm glad we have you to horse around.  Prince mone.. I have not forgotten you!! You got a mad cap family and not a sister you would have ever imagined.. Glad you are sticking around... 

Tennychachan, you are still someone I adore and wish we cud talk often, but I'm still glad you are around..

Tinu: You Paratholil vamsham!! For not isolating me.. for calling me more than I would ever have during those rocky patches.. You are a dude..

Daddy and mummy for all the fights and the yummy food. How can I ever forget.. For still making me all that I want though I never listen to you guys. For wanting the best from me though I never give anything... For happy times and sad... For still wanting me to come home though there are issues...

Neeraj for being an asshole... for never turning up at airports and railway stations.. For never calling me or answering my calls...OK I'm exaggerating..  But u are a friend still (Why? I have no clue) But also for the vivid food descriptions.. and giving me the hope of vacations.. :D and for letting me be your good friend for ever... Lal Salaam!!


Rajesh for making my days annoying and irritating and sometimes full of fun, at least in office. For being an absolute silly child.. and for letting me smother you with my mothering... you get the food when i need it most and for transportation...you are a great person and I'm glad we got around to becoming friends. Though I'm glad we didn't talk for the first 2 years of my life in here.. hahahha..

Kumarapuram.. for just being there always with ur PJs and for always calling back and calling when u needed someone to talk..

And Oh Karthik, Oh Karthik.. for making life a little more fun and spicier.. for al hamdrulla and for just bearing me in your own way.. you are not one of those cookie-cutter people and I'm relieved. For being a good, grounded and 'grassy' friend. For the long talks and for always lifting my mood with your flipping takes on everything... I have never seen you down and out.. (Ok.. never above the moon also..) and that kind of optimism and outlook on life is infectious. For making me feel that I'm not the only one who doesn't have everything figured out...

You guys rock.. and I am kewl.. because of you guys..

The Big O

There's a sad sort of clanging in the head as the clock goes times's up, times's up... I think of ideas but I don't have follow through. I just run the initial mile and give up.. never have the will to finish anything I start, I lose interest quicker that I blink..

There are so many things I wanna do before the Big O

1) Get so drunk that I pass out
2) Kiss a complete stranger
3) Go to a rave
4) Try LSD
5) Quit because my job is useless (even if i don't have a job in hand)
6) Be sure there is huge party for my birthday surrounded by friends.
7) Travel as much as I can
8) Meet more people
9) Figure out what I want in life...

Maybe I'm just freaking out...

Compartments.....

I go to this ancient library... so far away.. yet so near...I slip into it, sometimes roller-skate to it.. a magical land where no one can reach me.. even if they tried. It opens up my othe- worldly senses...slams shut the earthly hued one... for it has no use there... all because I flit, I float, I jump, I laze in my constant continuum...

It's fiery tints leave me breathless, all around me they are... ooooohhh! loook at that... I'm in it.. I'm outside... all at once.. I relive all the moments to be, not to be and yet to be... It's like my road to paradise, my own very road...to the burrow where I feel safe, warm and that cup of mocha always there....

It's oddly disorienting. I struggle as I'm dragged...  I DON'T WANNA, HEAR ME OUT... Aaaaaaah...