Petrified and some more...

I'm scared to my very stomach... can't stay here at all and too much of a chicken to quit either... I'm just wasting my life.. I'm not capable of taking my own decisions.. some of what I take ends up at a dead end...

I really don't know what to do.. Why am I quitting.. will i find my own window.. If I quit I have no where to go.. no roof over my head.. I have no one to back me up.. I have to dig really deep to the caverns of my confidence and pull it back right up if I ever have to stand on my feet.. because no one is ever going to come for me or support me when i really need.. I'm this driftwood.. drifting all the time.. like this moss that gathers no moss...

But i want to.. some nice moss.. but I guess this is not the place for it.. I wish I had someone whose hand i could hold.. I'm not even talking of  a boyfriend here.. just a really nice friend would be enough...
But that's also so hard to come by that I hate myself.. naah!! not so much either..


But Yes.. I'm stiff horrified and i need all the help the universe can offer me....

The odd world

Isn't it odd that we think that the world is spherical.. yet water doesn't drip off... lands don't spill.. we don't topple.. despite the constant spinning of the earth..


We don't fall off as we go round and round.. how magnetic can the core be.. that it holds all the water in the oceans and the all the land and the trees and human beings rooted to the earth.. instead of allowing us to fly about like on the moon..

The wonderland in Moi...

No.. it's not about being self-obsessed.. it's just that i have no time for all the silliness in this world.. the arrogance, the jealousy, the pettiness.... It's a wonder life up in your head... the dreamland.. 


You are blissfully unaware of a lot of nonsense, so you don't have to waste memory space.. and then you are at peace with yourself.. the only thing that you struggle against is your own self.. No one to beat.. no one to compete with.. no.. i don't think I'm the best.. just that you never compete with anyone who matters... so when someone doesn't matter.. why would i even care.. 


And I'm happy in my head.. visions of colourful dreams melting away to slightly odd nightmares giving way to the golden sunshine of youth... all in my head.. a whole new world i have created there.. where sometimes I'm the narrator, sometimes the protagonist.. 


Which ever way it sways.. it's a lovely world up there.. made up of sugary cream cakes and chocolatey dips... with citrus tarts to liven up my day!!!

Complexities....

What is faith? What is religion.. Isn't it something that we are all born with? Did we have a choice.. or are we even taught about all faiths to even choose.. No we aren't.. Choice... !!!

So who is it that most people pray to? Why do people even fight over these unseen gods.. who is bigger.. who is smaller.. Do they even exist at all...

Is it enough that we become good human beings.. Will that help us?

Silken web of unfinished tales....

Every place we go.. we build a nest, make some stories.. and finally when we leave.. does that mean an end to what ever we built?? Do they cease to exist?

What about the people we leave behind.. What about the people who choose not to be in our lives.. Do they erase us.. Do we stop existing for them... Will they remember us in ways incomprehensible to others.. Do we do that, but refuse to accept that ever.. other than to ourselves in those silent moments... 


What about the stories we weave. Do they remain suspended in space forever. Will we be able to script endings for each tale... or will they remain like an unfinished silken web.... 


What happens??

Vita brevis

I just hate the rule that I have to follow, the orders that I have to take.. the life I'm told I have to lead.. why does it all come off as someone else's need and not of my own accord.. why?? does everything have to be in relation to what others are doing?? WHY.. BLOODY WHY.. No one has answers.. neither do I.. want it all to end..No.. not my life.. never. but the persistent call of nature to fall in line.. 


I refuse to.. I want my own free will to take me where it will... 

A note of caution: I hope I don't fall flat on my wonderful aquiline nose.. :D